Possibly even more so than November, this is the deciding month of the year. It’s a Wood Monkey month so decisions will have a lasting effect. If that makes you anxious, you need to know it’s care that will make all the difference. I’ve seen the evidence that this is true many times. Caring can bridge even the widest gap between what you want and what you think is possible.
Last year around this time, in the Water Monkey month, I met Marin, a morosely earnest plumber who really cares about his work. He and his family moved to Seattle from Chicago because, he said, many people in the trades were being shot and robbed of their tools and equipment when they were driving to work. He felt that Chicago was too dangerous for his family because he might be killed. Marin was less afraid of dying than the effect it would have on his family.
I got the impression that Marin had his own business before he came to Seattle but at the time I met him he was working for a well known franchise. It seemed like a demotion – not that he presented it that way. The thing that stood out most about Marin was that he seemed sad in that way people who have a hard time breathing do. My guess at his year? 1980 Metal Monkey: translates knowledge from brain through hands, likes a little chat, potential respiratory issues.
When his work was done and it was time to settle up I offered Marin a chair and a glass of water. He declined the water saying “Not everyone is so kind, so I carry my own.” I thought to myself, what kind of world are we living in where people don’t at least offer a glass of water to someone who is visiting their home environment?
What made me remember Marin was that I’ve been thinking lately about the Greek custom of ξενία (xenia) which concerns the appropriate treatment of people who come into our space. Xenia is translated as guest friendship. The root of xenia is ξένος (xenos) which links together the meanings of stranger and guest. They are the same.
If you’re familiar with Greek tragedies, you’ll know that much of the plot turns on someone’s hidden identity. Any stranger could be an important person and your destiny could be decided by how you treat them. An unknown traveller could be your father, mother, another family member or even a deity. The stakes are high whether you know it or not.
Many fairy tales, fables and folktales are based on this principle as well. A person in a vulnerable or humble position requires assistance. Even if you have little to offer, if you choose to help, you might discover the “old beggar” is not what they seem. In fact, some have the power to transform your life. The moral of the story is: act as if they all do. Those who don’t usually find the story has a much different ending.
I’d say treating anyone you meet for the first time as potentially divine is a good place to start given where we are now. I’ve seen that kind of behavior bring out the best in people I didn’t know, as well as people I knew but didn’t trust. Haven’t you?
The underlying philosophy of xenia was to offer the guest/stranger the guest gifts, that is, the best of whatever you had. Xenia came to be a standard practice in ancient Greek culture. In this system, both the guest and the host have certain rights and responsibilities.
The host is meant to provide the guest with food and drink, a place to rest and wash up, and safe passage home. The meeting of basic needs was job one. It was even considered rude to ask the guest too many questions before the food had been provided.
The responsibility of the guest is to enjoy the facilities of the host courteously, to refrain from threatening, overstaying or overburdening, and to bring whatever news they have from their home or travels. If they are able to entertain with music, singing or storytelling, even better. The guest would be expected to reciprocate the host’s hospitality and extend it to relatives and representatives of the host whenever the occasion should arise.
Citizens of the world, this is how we unite.
The custom of xenia promotes survival, however, it goes a step beyond that by creating peace across generations through simple and practical alliances. It only takes one common value. Xenia is a proactive standard of reciprocation in kindness; the opposite of an eye for an eye.
I see 2021 as a rebirth of xenia. This is our movement, let’s spread it far and wide. We can share water. We can carry water with good intention and care not to spill. I think it’s within reach for all of us. It’s care that makes all the difference.
At the end of our time together on that morning that seems a million light years ago now, I told Marin I hoped that things would be better here in Seattle for him and his family. We shook hands, he turned, and as he went out the door I heard him say “God bless you.” Safe passage Marin. I hope you and your family are well.
