A Rabbit year is one where maybe all roads lead to Mom, mothers. or concepts of mothers and mothering. The Earth is a Mother too. Maybe you’ll be thinking of your mom more than usual this year. I know I will be thinking of mine.
To put it bluntly, as a child would, I want my Mom. Moms can’t solve everything, but they can sometimes make you feel that it’s possible. I want to feel like it’s possible to figure out this big mess we’re in, don’t you?
I’m dedicating my work this year to my Mom, who passed away in 2022. She was always my biggest fan and encouraged me to explore and pursue anything I wanted to learn. Both my Grandma and my Mom were big believers in how education would change your life and, feeling the lack of formal education, they taught themselves many things beyond the domestic. They were always hungry for knowledge. Me too.
My Mom attended the county spelling bee with me as a participant, just as my Grandma did with her. She took me to the library every week until I was in middle school. She told me nothing was out of my reach, which wasn’t true, but it certainly served me better than telling me nothing was within it. I’m not saying she lied. I think she truly believed I could do anything. You know how moms can be.
My Mom gave me her belief that I could do things that no one else in my family has done, and I have. Now my children have too.
I hate it when people pretend that dead people were perfect, simply because they are dead, so I will admit that my Mom and I had our bad moments with each other too. Maybe those bad ones were just as important as the good ones, because they taught me I needed to learn how to work with my fraught emotions. It was safe to do that with her, although it was quite unpleasant. Neither one of us was good at conflict. Ultimately, we chose to become best friends and enjoyed each other in that way for many years. But our relationship wasn’t always like that. And, yes I do know that not everyone wants to be friends with their mom. I get it.
Sometimes I felt my Mom was insensitive. I think she learned to be thick skinned because so many people she loved made fun of her. They made fun of her excess of fear, and although I felt it too, I did my share of teasing along with them. I regret that. Regardless, my Mom thought I was brave and so, I was. Now I know how much my courage had to do with knowing she was always there.
Within the scope of any parent’s (or child’s) mistakes are doses of both medicine and poison. In life we will need to learn how to work with both. I don’t think my Mom was perfect but, apparently, she was just right for me. How else would I be so lucky as to be friends with my Mom in spite of our mistakes?
I miss my Mom, but I know I don’t really want her back, even though sometimes I think I do. I feel relieved that she is beyond physical suffering. I want her to be wherever she is supposed to be and I know she is everywhere now, always with me. I can feel her. It’s not my Mother that I want back, but the feeling of the beneficent Mother taking my side no matter what. The feeling that everything will be okay because She said so.
I would like that for all of us this year.